Bill's Organic Bread
B3/ 77 Munibung Road,
Cardiff,
NSW 2285
Phone: (02) 4956 9981
Fax: (02) 4953 6021
Dear Bill’s Organic Breads,
I had a look at your website and was impressed to see that your breads have no added yeast, dairy products, chemicals, herbicides, pesticides, preservatives, flavouring, colouring, genetic modification, added sugar or animal products. I suppose then you haven’t been misleading in your statements here, because you haven’t said that the bread won’t contain chunks of metal. I would have thought that adding chunks of metal wouldn’t really have been beneficial to health, or perhaps am I missing something?
My friend ‘Jennifer’ bought this bread recently, and look at the size of the chunk of metal which was found in the bread!
A lot of people enjoy eating metal. There is a known disorder called ‘Pica’, where the subject will display the urge to eat items not generally associated as food, items such as metal, chalk, clay, dirt, even faeces. Yes, people who have this disorder may want to eat poop; incidently, isn’t it funny how the word faeces has an ‘a’ in it, perhaps the American spelling ‘feces’ is a more logical way to spell the word, they do the same thing with encyclopaedia, taking away the superfluous 'a' . However you spell it, perhaps the person packing your bread, on account of their insertion of metal, has Pica. I’m worried not only because they have the desire to eat metal, perhaps they also carry the desire to eat other matter, such as faeces.
Just for the record, neither myself, or Jennifer have ‘Pica’.
Perhaps you thought that you would do what they used to do in Christmas Puddings and hide a penny or a tuppence in there for one lucky child. That practice has ceased as it is unsavoury, bad for your teeth and what can you buy with a penny or a tuppence these days anyway? Your piece of metal wasn’t even a penny or a tuppence, so I don’t get what you were trying to do. What were you trying to achieve by putting the metal in the bread?
Were you trying to kill us? What have we ever done to you?
Eating metals can bring on all sorts of ailments, lead poisoning, if there is alluminium, there is a possibility of alzheimers and let’s not forget the possibility of choking on the metal. Do you think that is the real reason for Mama Cass’ demise? I think it might be. It’s lucky Jennifer didn’t break her teeth. She has such lovely teeth. And skin, she has lovely skin too.
I’m sure that Jennifer has ingested some of the metal, as she had already begun chomping away at the bread before her grim discovery, the day in question was a day she was particularly ravenous, I'm sure she had gobbled down four or five pieces of the bread beforehand. What do you think she should do? Should she get medical advice? How long do you think she has?
Naturally we’re both very distressed at the situation. Neither of us know what to do. We’re both a bit frightened to leave the house. If this is the sort of assault given by a company claiming to be healthy and organic, what hope do we have in today’s modern world when we’re surrounded by so many companies with less than ideal health standards?
Not a lot, not very much hope at all.
Anyway, enough of the crap, how much money are you going to give us to shut us up about chunk of metal?
Kind Regards,
Andy Leonard
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