Katter's Australian Party
PO Box 386
Banyo Qld 4014
Dear Bob and all at your office,
I am very pleased to apply for any of the jobs advertised on your website.
I have always wanted to work for a political party. The thought of helping others and the notion of making Australia better would be a great way to achieve job satisfaction.
I agree with all your sentiments, Bob. I think the one sentiment I agree most with, is the way you'd like to see gay and lesbian freaks unable to commit their relationships in formal marriage.
I'm completely with you, Bob, I think allowing these creatures to marry is abhorrent, if they want to get married, why don't they all just piss off to Iceland?
Gays and Lesbians wanting the same rights as heterosexual (True) Australians will unravel the fabric of our great nation. You're right, Bob, we should be breeding more, not less! Allowing Gays and Lesbians to marry will stop these people from breeding with each other. I know that some of these freaks like to breed through surrogacy and so forth, but I don't like to see that either, Bob, is the fag gene hereditary? I think it might be, then we would have that same problem all over again!
I've got some great ideas which I think you should bring up in Parliament. Why not, instead of just blocking their requests to marry, put these people in re-education camps? They can learn first the folly of their lifestyle, but then learn how to be attracted to the opposite sex. It works in America, I'm sure I've seen it work there, it works really well. Can't we have that here? For the small percentage of people it doesn't work on, we can put them to work on factory lines. See, it's a win win situation! We'll rid this fine country of all these awful beasts by either converting them, or having them work in factories away from the public view of normal Australians.
I think these camps will be a great idea, what do you think?
I've got plenty of other ideas as well, but I don't want to give them all away in this introductory letter, I want to save them up for when I'm working under you, Mr. Katter.
'Working Under You', that does sound a little provocative, now, doesn't it? Please don't take anything I say out of context. I'm not attracted to you, as I'm a man, and attractions to you would go against everything I stand for. I must say it is hard though, sometimes, especially when I see you in that hat, it's just so damn sexy, where'd you get it?
I'm also really excited to come to Mt. Isa for the interview. I remember you said that there were absolutely no poofs in the whole of North Queensland and that if they were there, you'd walk backwards to Bourke.
How's that going for you? I heard there were some fags up there who came to visit your office recently. Do you want me to send you some new hiking boots, you'd look smashing in them, I say. I'd also need to send you a little mirror which you could dangle off your sexy hat, so you can see where you're going.
Are you going to be alright with that long walk? I'm worried about you, I must say. I mean, you're still hot, but you're no spring chicken, are you Bobby? Can I call you Bobby?
Do you need help on the walk? I think it will take a few weeks. I could be your walking buddy. I'm quite good at setting up tents too. We could share a tent too, if you didn't find that inappropriate. I don't find it inappropriate, I find it a beautiful thing, two good friends, laying side by side; in a tent; in the Australian wilderness. Don't worry, any Dingo who comes near you, I'll fend off, I'm good at that, you know.
So when's my interview?
Can you help with the airfare from Sydney to Mt. Isa? I'm a bit skint at the moment. If you pay for the flight, I can help you out in other ways; if you know what I mean? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. I'm getting a little flustered at the thought, now.
I'll just go and have a cold shower ...
Back now ...
I can't wait to meet you in person, my hero.
Thanks for your time and I look forward to your favourable response.
Kind Regards,
Andy Leonard
You're funny.
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