Dear David Jones Food Hall

The Food Hall Manager

David Jones

500 Oxford Street

Bondi Junction, NSW 2022

 Dear David Jones Food Hall,

I really think there is no other store like David Jones, I love walking around the store and looking at all the items I can’t really afford.  The other day I saw a doona cover set for $3200.  It really was a beautiful set, but I was left wondering if I should spend the same amount on sheets as I could spend on a car; not necessarily a nice car, I know, but a car, nonetheless.  The overpriced items really make me aspire to greater things in life.  I’m sure that one day I’ll be able to afford that doona cover set.

I go to the DJ's Food Hall in Bondi Junction on a very regular basis. Whilst I've found the food, too, is exorbitantly priced, it is convenient for me to go there. I've generally found the staff generally nice, if not a little snooty.  I’ve often wondered why the cashiers move at such a glacial pace.  Are they trained to take their time to bring a sense of calm to the customers?  It doesn’t work.

What I'd like to complain about though are the Meatballs. I'm on a carbo-lite diet, I went to purchase some meat balls today from the food court and to my horror, as I'd eaten the fourth ball, I noticed that they contained rice!

This has completely stuffed up my diet now. I'm left feeling concerned, confused and even a little deceived. If they contain rice, shouldn’t it be listed on the sign?

What if I'd been allergic to the product? The meatballs have left me fat, but I could have been left for dead!

Luckily, I didn’t die.  However I have come down with a shocking case of the runs.  I have gone through in my head all the items of food ingested in the last 24 hours.  I have outlined them in a list below:

1.    A tablespoon of Jalna ‘Greek Style’ Yoghurt and a glass of sparkling mineral water.

2.    A Granny Smith Apple and half a banana*.

3.    A small can of Heinz baked beans on a piece of ‘Women’s Wellbeing’ Burgen Bread**

4.    8 dates.

5.    A glass of Prune Juice.  Ocean Spray, I believe the brand was, but I can’t be too sure on that one.  Do you remember the advertisement for that brand?  I remember the old American guy on that ad.  The ad didn’t really say anything about the product, only to go out and buy it.  It was around the same time as that lady with the slicked back hair and the affected voice on the David Jones advertisments.  She didn’t say much about your stores either, apart from ‘Why shop anywhere else?’.  It’s funny how ads from our childhood, no matter how unimaginative, naff and uninformative they are, manage to stick in our heads and we still rush out to support them.

6.    A piece of leg ham and a slice of Mozzarella cheese.

7.    18 Ford Pills.

8.    Four David Jones Meatballs.***

9.    2 Fenphedrine tablet.

10.         Half a kilogram of steamed Bok Choy.

11.         1 Apidextra tablet.

12.         A glass of water with 3 heaped tablespoons of Metamucil (Orange Flavour).

13.         1 Noxycut tablet.

14.         1 Ambislim tablet.

15.         35 grams of steamed chicken.

As you can see, there is nothing else in my diet which could have caused an upset stomach, so I am putting the experience down to the Meatballs.

David Jones has built a reputation of being at the forefront of quality.  I’m a bit cranky that my diet has been completely ruined by your lying Meatballs.

Can you send me something to alleviate my mood?  Preferably something low sugar, low fat, low in carbs, but still something tasty.  If nothing matches those criteria, perhaps you could just send me a doona cover set.  I’ve a nice one picked already.

Kind Regards,

Andy Leonard

*  I would have had a whole banana, however the price of bananas currently are around $12 a kilo, even more in your stores.

**  I realise that a slice of ‘Women’s Wellbeing’ Burgen bread contains carbs, however, this was my one serve of complex carbohydrates for the day.

***  May I suggest a name change to ‘Meat and Rice Balls’?